User blog:Sonar553/Stressed
Hey everyone. Im just writing this blog to express my hiughts and shared what's going on, because I'm not really feeling emotionally well. So, I've been inconsistent coming to the Wiki. I can't really commit to it because I don't get much time to do so. Besides school, I am in Air Cadets, piano lessons, playing for a Baseball league, and I also take on foreign language classes in Sundays (though I irresponsibly come to the Wiki at times haha...) I haven't been able to find how to manage my time and make space for other hobbies like composing music-I did have a track ready for release, but once I played it, its quality sounded terrible-main part of song sounds like the sound barrier is being destroyed. Not only that, I cannot keep up with my studies and I am falling behind drastically. Since my last term report card I had not recieved a mark over 80%, which is quite unrealistic for me, who gets a lot of 80s, with an average of 89% back then. My last term report card had straight A's if calculated from percentage to rankings, not including Physical Education. To add to that, Ive realized that I had this thing called Dysthymia. It is basically another way of saying "mild depression". My parents had never told me until recently that I had this. Also, I had met with "workers" (I don't feel like disclosing them as well as where I went) because I had negative and possible suicidal thoughts, though I did vow that I had no intentions to harnm or kill myself. Usually these thoughts come from failure, not being able to follow instructions or do things right, being criticized and insulted negatively, and fights (sometimes personal-wont disclose this either as it is extremely sensitive). I'm not sure what to do right now. I've lost track of time and everything and I don't know how to come back. Regardless of what I do, I know that I won't be able to come to the wiki regularly until Summer, but then I will be busy again too. I've reported my issue that I cannot manage my time with all these priorities I have to do, but instead, I get a "screw you, You need to learn how to do expletive or else" type of response from all directions. Because of the situation, I am amivalent of how to take action. I feel I might as well have to quit Wikia in general like I did before in 2015 so I don't have to worry about needing to participate In the community and manage time respectfully. But I just don't feel comfortable leaving the wiki either as it's the first I've been in and it's like a virtual home here. Regardless, I know I will be away for a while until sometime in the summer. Anyway, that's enough of me ranting. I hope you all understand the situation I am in. Sincerely, SuperSpyChase / Ray R. Category:Blog posts